


One World Away  by HeartOfGlass

by StrengthThroughWounding



Category: AFI, AFIslash
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slash, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:25:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3067775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrengthThroughWounding/pseuds/StrengthThroughWounding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davey and Adam spend one night together every year remembering, but what happens when the past becomes the present? Takes place during the BSITS tour, but is inspired by/based on End Transmission</p>
            </blockquote>





	One World Away  by HeartOfGlass

Adam awoke to the sound of his cell phone vibrating on the oak table beside his bed. Before bothering to answer it, his eyes drifted to the digital clock sitting on his dresser across the room. 3:15. It was 3:15 in the morning. Once he’d processed the time, he immediately knew who the call was coming from; he’d been anticipating this since Christmas.  
“Hey Dave.”

“Adam! I’m so glad you picked up. I was worried you’d forgotten…”

“I’ve been sleeping with my phone since Christmas, man. I’d never forget.” He sat up slowly, squeezing his eyes shut as he turned the knob on the lamp beside his bed. Even through his eyelids, the light was abrasive. “Give me half an hour? I’m going to shower; it’ll help me wake up.”

“Sure.” He paused, but a certain tension indicated he had something else to say. “It’s kind of chilly, you know. Bring a jacket, okay?”

Adam chuckled. “I know Dave. I’ve lived in California longer than you, remember?”

“I’ll see you at quarter to four.”

“Sure, see you in a bit.”

 

At 3:55, Adam had barley slipped his leather jacket on when the familiar glow of headlights flooded through the windows in the front room. At twenty four, this was a sight Adam had been seeing for over seven years. Though it was a rare occurrence nowadays; he never found himself in this house, save for the days approaching and following Christmas.

He stared directly into the blinding light, assuming Davey could see him, and held up one finger, mouthing the word “shoes.”

Finally, he was ready. He’d been anticipating this since Christmas, but he’d been waiting for it all year.

The same jeep Davey had driven six years ago, when the tradition began, sat humming in the driveway, top completely off. Behind the wheel, Dave sat anxiously rapping his fingers on the dashboard. He wore a plain black scarf tucked into the neck of a faded bomber jacket. If Adam hadn’t known better, he would’ve wondered if Davey had mistaken the car for an airplane. In the process of growing out his devilock, his thick black hair had lengthened noticeably, now curling around his ears and inching down his neck. As he spotted Adam trotting towards the car, his delicately bowed lips pulled into broad grin.

“Good to see you haven’t fallen back asleep.” He teased as Adam slipped into the seat beside him.

“Hey, that was only one year. And it was because you’d come the day after Nick’s New Year’s party. I don’t know what you were expecting.”

Davey simply rolled his eyes in response, carefully backing the car out of the driveway and onto the road. Any other night, music would’ve been blasting from the speakers of the open car, loudly announcing their presence on the otherwise quiet street. But not tonight; tonight was for thinking, for talking, for remembering, and music would only get in the way of that.

Adam watched nervously as Davey leant over to search for a water bottle on the floor of the car. His first instinct told him to panic, to tell Davey that he ought to watch the road, but before he could open his mouth, Davey’s voice floated up from beneath the steering wheel.

“I could drive this route with my eyes closed, Adam.” He sat up, water bottle in hand, and began unscrewing the cap with his teeth as they rounded a corner. “You know that.”

Adam nodded. “I forget sometimes.” But they both knew beneath those words lay the true sentiment ‘I’m a worry a lot.’

To Adam’s dismay, a small smile and a mischievous glint in Davey’s eyes suggested that he was about to be reminded.

“Watch,” he demanded, and lids fell slowly over his eyes.

“Aw, Dave, don’t do that!”

The smile never left his lips. “How many times have we driven this route? Did we ever leave this town without hitting redwood highway?”

Adam knew the answers. Respectively: upwards of 5,000, and no. But this provided little comfort; his heart was racing and his white-knuckled fingers were gripping the side of the door as though his life depended on it.

“We have to finish touring! A lot of fans are going to be disappointed if they hear they can’t see AFI because the lead singer and drummer got themselves wrapped around a tree!”

“There’s a line of trees to our left. On the right we’re passing Mill Street, now Argyle… Juniper…” He named each street at the exact moment they passed them, never missing a beat.

“Okay, I believe you! Haven’t you- TURN!”

By the time Adam hollered, Davey had already eased the car flawlessly around the curve.

“I’ll open my eyes when we get on redwood, okay? That should be in about a minute…we’re passing the Valero, aren’t we?”

Adam sighed in defeat. Reluctantly he muttered a yes, and Davey raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘I told you so.’

True to Davey’s words, no more than a minute later they were on the highway, and his eyes fluttered open. A breath Adam had hardly realized he’d been holding rushed out of his lungs in a sigh of relief. He’d never been so happy to see those shining mocha eyes staring at his own.

That was a lie.

_Adam chewed his lip nervously as he watched his friend shift uneasily on the couch. The silence in the room was almost unbearable._

_“Davey? Did you hear me?”_

_Davey’s eyes were plastered on the TV, seemingly transfixed by the paused image on the screen._

_“I love you Dave, and I’ve spent the better part of a year working up the courage to tell you that. The least you could do is respond. Or just look at me? Please?” Adam’s voice was shaky, his lips trembling. How he’d managed to even get the words out of his throat was a complete mystery to him. Only a few seconds passed, but it felt like hours before Davey finally turned his head._

_Taking a deep breath, he raised his eyes to meet Adam’s. The deep cocoa irises worked to express every word Davey hadn’t been able to speak… for how long? Only he knew._

_His face was pale- he never blushed- but his hands were shaking, fiddling anxiously with a pillow in his lap. His wide eyes darted to the side one last time before returning to Adam’s with a sort of unmoving determination._

_“I…” Another deep breath. “I love you, too, Adam.”_

“Adam? Hello!” Davey was snapping his fingers in front of Adam’s face impatiently.

“Sorry, sorry. What?”

“I asked you a question!”

“What?” He paused, straining to remember what Davey’s voice had asked while he’d been reminiscing. “Oh… yeah I had a great Christmas. Really good to be home and see the family right in the middle of tour.”

Davey’s expression saddened slightly. “I miss tour. The break has been nice but…too much idle time. It kills me.”

Adam nodded. This aspect of Davey was not unfamiliar to him. As far back as he could remember, Davey was always happier when occupied, when he had something to do. When left without a task, he generally retreated into the depths of his mind and made himself miserable.

“Just a couple days left, don’t worry.”

Davey nodded. “Do you remember this time last year…”

And so it began. So began the recollection of every major event in their lives since last December. For Davey, this was a catharsis, and a way to reconnect with his past. For Adam, this was a bittersweet, often painful reminder of an old life, and a way to reconnect with Davey.

Davey had gone off about how this time last year they were just putting the final touches on Black Sails. How it was so different from Shut your Mouth, and he was worried the fans might not accept it. How it was their first official record with Jade…

That was what Adam remembered: Jade. Jade, and his instant chemistry with Davey. As soon as he was officially part of the band, the amount of time Davey spent with him had skyrocketed. Similarly, the amount of time Davey spent with Adam had begun to dwindle. Sure, they were writing songs, but it was more than that. By the time they’d come into the studio for recording, it was obvious something had developed between the two of them. When recording was finished, they started dating. That was last January, and that was what Adam remembered.

“…Man, and I was so happy to finally be finished with it. I couldn’t wait to relax, even for two fucking weeks, you know?”

Adam bit his tongue. If he responded immediately, he knew it wouldn’t be nice; it would be a scathing remark about how Davey wanted to finish recording so he could go back home and fuck Jade. Instead of speaking, he looked up at the monstrous trees that lined the highway, searching for a hint of the star-strewn sky he’d missed so much. Being angry at Davey for this was _so_ wrong. It could’ve been different.

_Two hours after the show, the beaming smile that had been on Davey’s face as he stepped off the stage hadn’t budged._

_“I can’t fucking believe it! That was incredible! There’s no doubt in my mind now; AFI is back. Holy shit, we are back!”_

_Adam smiled weakly as he watched the singer from across the room. They were in Davey’s apartment, Adam sitting at the kitchen table while Davey rummaged about for food. He desperately wanted to share in his boyfriend’s excitement, but he couldn’t; a more somber issue was on his mind._

_“Davey, um…”_

_“What? What’s wrong?” He backed out the fridge and turned around to face Adam._

_“Well… you know what we said… when we started dating…”_

_Davey’s expression immediately darkened. “Why are you bringing that up right now?”_

_“Because I love you more than anything. And from the second we started dating I’ve been terrified of losing you, and ever since you started talking about reforming, this has been on my mind. Even before the show.”_

_“Things are different now! We made that decision years ago!”_

_“You’re right, but I still think it’d be for the best. I know how much this means to you, but there’s no way it’s going to work if we’re in a relationship.”_

_Davey looked appalled, mouth hanging open. “We could at least try! You’re really going to throw away ten years-”_

_Adam shook his head. “I’m not going to throw away anything. I’ll always love you, and we’ll always be close. I know we will.”_

_Tears were quickly welling up in Davey’s eyes. He was at a complete loss for words. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”_

“You’re always so damn spacey.”

“Sorry, lots of remembering to do, you know? You do it out loud; I do it in my mind.”

“That’s not fair! You have to tell me, that’s the whole point. I hate how different it’s been these past couple of years. I don’t think you’re being completely honest anymore.”

Of course he noticed. What was the point of trying to hide something from someone who knew you better than you knew yourself?

“Can you pull over?”

Davey gave him a confused look. “Already?”

Adam nodded. “Please?” He wanted his feet on solid ground when he said this.

Davey obliged, and pulled the jeep over to the side of the road. They were both relieved to feel the absence of wind whipping at their faces. In fact, without the chill from that, it was a surprisingly nice night. Davey stepped out first and sat on the hood on the car, motioning for Adam to follow suit. Instead, Adam stood, nervously facing Davey. Feet on solid ground.

He realized that the nerves were nothing compared to the first time. The majority of them had been replaced by sadness and a feeling of defeat. Regardless, he felt this was something he had to do.

Davey swung his feet back and forth, bumping his heels against the ancient license plate.

Stalling, Adam remarked, “That’ll probably fall off if you keep kicking it.”

“Maybe. Tell me what this is about, Adam.”

Clearly Davey was not interested in postponing this any further, and Adam couldn’t blame him; this was more than a year overdue.

“Do you remember when my parents went away for Christmas break junior year? And they didn’t trust me to stay at our house alone so I stayed with you?”

Davey flashed a nostalgic smile. “Of course. They never really trusted you, did they?”

“Never. Do you remember…” He couldn’t even bring himself to label the day properly. “Do you remember the night we watched Risky Business?”

A fond look shone in Davey’s eye. “I’ll never forget it.”

“Every time we do this I remember that night. The few first years, I remembered it as the best day of my life, the reason why I was happy. But ever since…you know…it only reminds me that I ruined the greatest thing I ever had.”

Davey frowned, looking sadly at Adam. “You said yourself… it had to happen.”

“I didn’t think it could be any other way. I thought it would ruin us, I thought it would ruin the band. I think I was really wrong, Dave. I think I made huge mistake.”

“I thought it was what you wanted, I thought-”

“God, it was _never_ what I wanted! There wasn’t a single day that passed that I didn’t wish things were different. And it wasn’t long before I started to realize that things probably _could_ have been different. I was going to tell you once we’d finished recording but…”

Davey’s face fell, true despair etched onto every one of his features. “Jade…”

“Look, I’m really sorry, and I don’t want to ruin things between you two. I just had to get it off my chest.” He stopped for a moment, looking away in an effort to hold back tears. “Three years ago I told you I would never stop loving you, and I wasn’t lying. I just wanted you to know…”

“Oh, Adam…” Davey’s voice was heavy with sadness as spoke his best friend’s name, sliding off the hood the car. “Adam I don’t know what to say…”

This was what he’d feared. This was what he hoped wouldn’t happen; he’d put Davey in a terrible position and had probably made him quite uncomfortable. Adam shook his head and turned away.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to say anything. We can go back now if-”

Davey grabbed his arm gently, pulling him back around. He lifted a hand to Adam’s face, fingertips ghosting over his cheek. The look in his eyes as he studied the man before him was one of fondness and regret. Adam stiffened.

“Adam, it’s okay. I’m…I’m really glad you told me.” His fingers had found a stray strand of hair and carefully tucked it behind Adam’s ear.

Adam shook his head, doing his best to look anywhere but at Davey. It was much easier to resist temptation when those sincere chocolate eyes weren’t staring at him so intently, so pleadingly.

“This can’t happen. You’re with Jade.” But Adam didn’t move. The hand that had been loosely wrapped around his forearm slid down, and suddenly he felt Davey’s fingers lacing with his own.

“If there wasn’t some dark corner of your soul that wanted this, you wouldn’t have told me.”

“No, Davey, it’s not like that…”

“If you don’t want it,” he began, gently guiding Adam’s face so that he was able to meet his gaze, “walk away.” The command was simple, and rendered Adam motionless.

It’s easy to make a decision like this when your choice can be conveyed so passively.

Davey’s fingers were cold as ice against the warm skin on Adam’s cheeks, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end. Despite this, Adam found himself leaning into the touch, desperately craving more. Davey’s hands were always so gentle, as though Adam’s skin was made of porcelain. Suddenly, it felt like nothing had ever changed.

When Adam closed his eyes, he was still dating Davey. It was four years ago and their lips met as they did nearly every day. Nothing was complicated. There were no questions to be answered, no decisions to be made.

Davey’s mouth crashed against Adam’s with the same intensity and passion as it had when they were in high school. Not an ounce of chemistry had been lost. His hands were carefully threaded through Adam’s hair, pulling him so deeply into the kiss that it was almost overwhelming. To feel Davey’s impossibly soft lips on his own once again sent shivers down his spine.

Tentatively, he moved his hands to Davey’s hips, fingers creeping just beneath the hem of jacket. In response, Davey pressed his body close against Adam’s: a plea to continue.

At this point, Adam saw no reason to take things slowly, no reason to hold back at all. Gaining confidence, he ran his hands under Davey’s shirt, pressing them against the warm flesh of his back. A small moan of pleasure sounded in Davey’s throat and he flicked his tongue out, barely grazing Adam’s lips. Adam caught it, directing Davey into his open mouth. The taste was exactly as he’d remembered it; so subtle, yet so exquisite. How had he ever let this go?

After a few moments of tangled tongues, Adam withdrew, sucking lightly on Davey’s lower lip as he pulled away. His eyes remained closed, allowing him to cling dearly to the belief that he was somehow living the past. If he opened his eyes, he’d be forced to face the reality of the fact that this was probably never going to happen again; that the next person who was going to be standing where he was would be Jade.

Davey’s breath could be felt on his face with each exhale; they were still only centimeters apart.

“Adam?” He whispered. The utterance fell directly from his lips onto Adam’s, whose eyes slowly opened.

And there it was: the sadness in Davey’s eyes that never would’ve been there four years ago. It was a sobering reality check, but he’d been expecting it.

“Davey-”

“I love you.”

Adam bit his lip and looked away. That was almost too much.

“We can’t do this, can we?”

Davey shook his head sadly. “Not today, not now. We’re resuming tour on Monday, and Jade-”

No surprises there. “Of course,” Adam replied bitterly. “Jade.”

“If things get messy, it’ll ruin everything. For the sake of the band, I just can’t…” His eyes remained sadly fixed on Adam, silently begging him to meet their gaze. “If I could, you have to believe that I would.”

The sincerity in his voice tugged at every one of Adam’s heartstrings, but it wasn’t enough.

“You didn’t think dating Jade was going to cause conflict? Because you had no problem doing that right before tour.”

Davey sighed. “It wasn’t right before tour. And honestly, no; I was sure you were completely over me. Did you ever give me a reason to think otherwise?”

There was no arguing with that: after the breakup, Adam had done his best to act as though they’d never been together at all.

“I thought it’d make things easier… to act like nothing had happened.”

“Did it?”

“No.”

Davey looked at the car against which Adam was leaning, then glanced at his watch.

“It’s almost five. Do you want to drive a bit more? The sun won’t be up for another hour or two.

Taking a deep breath, Adam nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.

The two men returned to their seats in the jeep, Davey fumbling for the keys in the pocket. As he was about to start the car, Adam spoke.

“Davey?” His voice was slightly apprehensive, as though he were still deciding what to say when the name left his lips.

Davey turned to look at Adam, making no effort to hide the tears welling in his emotive brown eyes.

“I love you too.”

And the tears came spilling forth, leaving salty trails behind on the delicate white skin of Davey’s cheeks. He pursed his lips and nodded, turning quickly away.

“Oh Dave, I’m really sorry. Please don’t be upset.” Though Adam fully realized the absurdity of this request, he badly wished Davey could oblige. Seeing the man he loved so torn apart was worth none of this. What was worse was knowing that, at this point, there was nothing he could do to make it better.

Davey shook his head in frustration. “I wish you hadn’t told me. It’d be so much easier to go on thinking that Jade was my best, my only option. What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to handle knowing that every time I kiss Jade, I could be kissing you?”

Adam’s heart sank as he realized he had no real answers for these questions. “You…you can kiss me, you know, um…if-”

“Don’t be stupid! It’s not that simple. I’m not going to cheat on Jade…” As soon as the words left his lips, he realized what he was saying and fell silent. His cheeks grew hot and he cast his gaze to the ground, painfully aware of Adam’s eyes boring into him.

“God, what have I done?” He muttered to the floor, words choked slightly by the sobs rising in his throat.

“I think you did what anyone would’ve done.” Without a doubt, it was what Adam would’ve done. “Dave?” He waited until his friend raised his watery bloodshot eyes. “Let’s drive, okay? I mean, if that’d help.”

“It would. We have tonight, at least, right? One night to spend before we put on masks and lie to everyone we love for four months. Let’s enjoy it.”

Adam nodded, taking a shaky breath. “Yeah, let’s.”

And they did. Davey finally turned the key that’d been sitting in the ignition, and they headed further away from Ukiah. Further away from reality, further away from responsibility. When the first pale pink hint of the rising sun could be seen in the sky, they turned back. As always, dawn signified the end of their adventure and the return to normality.

As they drove back, Adam watched the golden morning sun creep above the horizon and shed light upon the empty highway. It always looked so different during the day, so much less enchanting.

There’s a certain quality to daylight that makes reality inescapable. The truth of this weighed heavy on Adam’s heart as he watched the sky, searching for the rapidly fading ghost of the moon. When he finally found the pale white orb hiding in an expanse of pinks and blues, hope crept in among the tones of misery and dread that had been fogging his mind.

At last, something to take comfort in: every aspect of that night had not been entirely erased; it never would be. He could only hope that Davey saw it too.

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7954>  



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